Sunday, December 27, 2015

To You My Soul Sister, Love, Always, Dear Alma


My Dearest Alma,




Your leaving this earthly abode makes me utterly, utterly sad. I know we had a connection from beyond this earth and this birth to sometime long before that only played out in this life. It is not a coincidence that you came in my life to be a solid friend, guide, confidant and a soul sister. It is not coincidence that you offered your love to me. You epitomised love, and you shared it with me with all the generosity of your heart. I see this miracle as a soul connection that played out in this living life for me.

You gave me a place in your heart. You are an integral part of my world and memory so beautiful. Perhaps I have many many memories of this life that I can access with you being part of my world: the memories that linger of the long conversations in your home when making masala chai or preparing an exotic dish that you wanted me to taste, showing of the nurturer you were. Then there are memories of our travels to all the spiritual and historical places in India. You made it a point to remember me on all your travels abroad – for every souvenir you picked up for me showed you unconditional love and care.

Today, I take comfort in only this one thing: that life is a continuum. It is just that you have gone ahead of me, and that will be a void until then. You must promise me one thing: that you will allow our effortless soul connection of friendship, love, care and oneness to continue for all the many lifetimes beyond the now. 

Your strength, will, courage, grace and equanimity to face life’s greatest challenge with poise, elegance, style, humility, laughter and twinkle in your eyes will burn like a candle in my heart.

I will celebrate your life with the spirit of what you epitomise, my Dearest Alma, in all ways YOU.

I love you much Alma. Always. Forever.

Your soul sister, friend,

Lavanya

Sending Children to Prison does NOT work: What are the approaches to slow down this?




Sending Children to Prison does NOT work

In the hope that this will ignite a conversation, given the trends we see in our country for me as therapist/counsellors and someone is helping promoting mental health and wellness, as we will wake up to the reality of finding more children in Adult Prisons. The aspect that frightens me most is, given the vastness of our country I shudder to think of the number of children who will be sent to adult prisons.

I will be writing a series on the therapeutic-counselling-rehabilitative approaches the Juvenile Justice System, the state and perhaps civil society must take to fix the trend, innovate alternative therapeutic interventions that looks at a holistic approach to working with children, families, schools and communities; commitment from all state run institutions.

Given that there are very few counsellors who work in the area of Juvenile Justice, the need to fill the gap is far greater.

I see this as a challenge knowing that adolescent children are vulnerable to "high-risk taking behaviour". Working with children especially falling in the bracket of high risk is not easy, as it demands a 24/7 commitment, sometimes offering the support to families to manage the "behaviour-outbursts" of adolescent, along with helping families manage themselves-the family as a unit- and the adolescent. This is complex, often time consuming, but I can say in all certainty there are positive results. 

Research back this as well: to state that the Juvenile court processing tends to increase criminal behaviour, especially when compared with diversion to community services, or engaging with families to help them re-align themselves and the family unit. 

Over the past few months, especially, have been testing times for me as a counsellor, working with 'vulnerable', 'acting-out' children, who if not "managed" well, could have the danger of landing in the JJ system. There are co-occurring problem behaviours -that often get entangled with each other. This includes conduct problems at home and at school, oppositional behaviour, delinquency, associating with antisocial peers (gang-fights, under-aged drinking) , aggressive and violent behaviour, and risky sexual behaviour.

This calls for a Multi-dimensional or Family System and/or Multi-Systemic Therapy, with specific goals to create "healthier" families, reduce the risk taking behaviour and in many ways to work on reducing recidivism.

Family systems means that family members are interdependent: What affects one family member affects other family members. When we work with a family, we look at the family as one unit, with different players (different personalities, different and unique needs, motivation and thought).

According to family systems theory, a drug-using adolescent or an adolescent who has exhibited risky sexual behaviour (seen with the presenting problems such as elopement, vulnerable to internet stalking and exposure of self ), or truancy from school, is indicative, at least in part, of what else is going on in the family system.

On examining the family system one sees the patterns of interaction in the family, that in a way influences the behaviour of each family member.  Patterns of interaction are defined as the sequential behaviours among family members that become habitual and repeat over time (Minuchin et al.1967).

An example of this is an adolescent who attracts attention to herself or himself when her two caregivers (for example, his/her mother and grandmother/or between father and mother) are in conflict and this can lead to a strained mode of communication, neglect, emotional difficulty, needs unmet, trauma, domestic violence, poverty and many others.

I have seen that as a counsellor using a Brief Family Therapy (family system) is to identify the patterns of family interaction that are associated with the adolescent’s behaviour problems.
Often this is where the work is long, engaging and often fruitful: it is about helping the family members - significant caregivers establishing rules, and re-modelling new patterns of behaviour-though-feeling

Therefore, plan interventions that carefully target and provide practical ways to change those patterns of interaction is the crux of the work that are directly linked to the adolescent’s substance use and other problem behaviours. In my own experience this approach is often far effective and has long-term impact as a family unit.

Additionally, the need to be assisting parents in "behavioural parent training" through role-plays, reflections and building trust within the significant members of the family unit is critical.

I cannot emphasise the fact that there must also be:
School-based behavioural interventions and academic support
Psychiatric consultation and medication management, when needed

When putting these all the critical pieces together, the support the young adolescent gets is long-term.

It is time for us to look at ways of short-term and long-term care to help children and their family then go by the common "media -ignited" frenzy that delinquent children must be sent to prisons because we as a society are going to be safe.