Monologue

I wish to create a new world order for myself
For my little dreams that lay treasured
In muslin cloth
Fading and ageing

As the age that’s faded
Move, continue from one to another

I wish to break free from that which holds me back
Affright
Of the unknown
There is a sudden leap of music
Blasts my ears
Compels me to sway hysterically
As it gains momentum
A frenzy fight

Reminded am I of the waves
That gush into power
Forcing, flinging, dashing and receding
And forcing and gushing again
With an equal intensity

Drawing and moving in giant leaps of gush
Throwing pebbles and sea weeds tangled

Pebbles smoothed
Time the caresser
The giver
The illuminator

---
I wish to break free
To conquer fear

Fear of living,
Fear of breathing,
Fear of defamiliarizing
Fear of regret
Fear of losing ground
Fear of not finding what I seek
Fear of loosing meaning
Fear of meaninglessness

The doors open
The early morning sun floods in
Wonder if the sun will rise tomorrow
They say it’s a truism

I wish I can think otherwise
Like the multitude before and after me
I wish my muted mind does not resonate the absurd

I fear procrastination

I wonder at all that people are
The fractured insecurities girdled like the never detached
Umbilical cord
The many motives driven towards manipulation
---
Do I tell myself its just one day
Get through this one
And then this one
And then the other

Does it end here?
Does it lead to another?
Like the circle of life

The circle of action and inaction
The circle of procrastination
The circle of inactivity
The circle of paranoia
The circle of lust

The circle of persistent thought
The circle of constant denial
The circle of a circle

One big circle.

Do I

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